I was thinking about people. Generally most people want a quiet life don’t they? I mean on the whole, with the exception of those moments you let off steam. There are, I acknowledge, a few anti social people who derive pleasure from unprovoked violence, arson, loud noise and aggravation and telephone sales. Now the first few on the list are covered by some sort of authority but the last one however seems to have a free reign to cause misery and frustration in equal measure with no thought for anyone other than themselves and their stupid company. And they all seem to have my number!
I just don’t understand them, particularly when they just won’t take no for an answer. I expect a little pressure, as that’s their job, but some seem completely psychotic and unable to grasp the concept of NO! For instance I was repeatedly called from some mobile company asking me about upgrading my phone saying they could offer me a better deal. At first I thought it might be a good way of saving money so humoured them. Their offer was actually to upgrade me to an inferior phone that I would have to pay more money a month than I already do! I politely declined the offer, stating my reasons and that’s when it began….. The haggling! Except the sales guy either didn’t understand English or was released early before his medication had taken full effect! Trouble was I’m no good in these situations an I can’t help going along with it. I need to learn to just hang up! This is how the conversation continued!….
“Ah, but does your phone have Bluetooth, sir?”
Yes. It does so I’m not intere….
“How about a 1 megapixel camera?”
I have 1.3..
“But sir, you can get this phone with 64mb of on board memory for your pictures”
My phone has 128mb plus a 2gb memory card. I’m not interested so…
Why am I being so polite?! Just put the phone down!
“Sir, what if I told you you could have this phone for just £30 a month!?”
Wow, £30 a month? So a worse phone for £5 more than I already pay? Great!
“OK sir, how about this. I’ll do you a deal for £25 a month plus 100 texts
“I’m sorry, I’m not interested, and anyway I get 300 texts plus I don’t want the phone! Just bloody hang up you fool!
“Well you could give the phone away?”
Well what’s the point in upgrading then?
“Because you can save money”
But I’m not!
“Well what could I offer you to make it worth while”
Shit, I wasn’t expecting that, how do I politely get out of this. Hang on why am I being so polite, this guy has interrupted my day
“Yes, erm, nothing, I don’t want anything thank you”
“So you aren’t interested in saving money?”
“No, that’s right, I’m not so you’ll have to go” You’ll have to go?! You dick!
“Do you work for your money sir?”
I beg your pardon? Yes I do Why are you answering these fucking questions?
“And do you work hard?”
Harder than you, you shit Yes Stop talking to him, hang up, stop being so polite!
“So you would be interested in saving your hard earned money?”
Ah, this’ll fuck up your patter No, erm, not really Ha ha, the upper hand comes my way!
No, I er, I like wasting it! Why am I still here, I should be getting in the car and going to town, just hang up!
“I can give you line rental for £15 a month and 250 texts…”
Nope, not interested Why am I sounding like I have the upper hand, now I sound like a mental twat
“£1 a month”
He’s taking the piss out of me
“I can give it to you for £1 a month plus 250 texts a month and you could give the phone away”
No thanks I’m still not interested
“Ok sir, is there anyone else in the house I could speak to?”
He thinks I’m mental, he wants to speak to my carer! What a fucking arsehole. Hang up now!
No, they’re all out Just hang up!
“Will they be back soon”
He thinks I’m a danger to myself!! Yes, they’ve just gone to the shops No they haven’t, why are you lying!
“O k siiir. Thaank Yoou for yoour tiime”
Is he really talking slowly to me?
He’s fucking hung up on me! The bastard! He thought I was a mentalist! He’s probably phoning the police and social services right now!